Getting Into My Vortex

In my journal, I asked the universe for many things leading up to my time in Peru: a life-changing lover, one of them. 

Attract and you shall receive. A month into the lockdown, I fell madly in love. It was as if every single moment in my life had led up to this epic communion, and I dove right on in. It felt like fate: I had met the love of my life in the Sacred Valley of Peru during a global pandemic. To make it even more insane, his name was Sam. We were mirrors who appeared in each other's lives at the perfect moment, and we quickly created a home in one another’s hearts.

Throughout our 8 month relationship, Sam consistently demonstrated unconditional love to me. Any time I'd get upset or angry with him, he’d kindly remind me that my feelings were about me, not him. I didn’t understand this fully at the time. He told me I could choose to be happy, regardless of him and his behavior, by simply “reconnecting to source”. Sam is a huge proponent of Abraham Hicks, a great master who beautifully explains the laws of the universe. I learned so much through Sam’s embodiment of Abraham’s teachings.  They both changed my life in many ways. 

“We’re on the same team,” Sam would remind me, anytime I’d pin us against each other. And then he’d take my hand and play for me an Abraham Hicks recording. One of them goes like this:

“Unconditional love is staying in the vibration of source, regardless of the condition. Conditional love says ‘I wanna feel good. When i see that i do, when i see that i don’t, so this condition has to change so i can feel better. Unconditional love says I am source and I am love regardless of the condition.

I so care about being in vibrational alignment with who i am, because if i am in vibrational alignment with who i am, then i have love to give. But if i am catering to what  you want, rather than my own guidance, then im not tapped in tuned in turned on and i have nothing to give. I must tune to the source within me, and i cannot tune to the source within me and tune to what you want at the same time. Dont make me choose between alignment with source, and what you think you want in this moment. If you will allow me, or whether you do or not, to align with who i am, then i can shine the energy of source upon you and you will thrive.”

I loved these words, they resonated with me so deeply, it felt like home to hear them. And yet still, time and time again as our relationship went on, I found myself operating with conditional love. I would demand change, insist something was lacking or missing, or claim that something else needed to be present in order for me to feel better. We were both experiencing hurt from my conditional love, and eventually we decided the “path of least resistance” was to allow our spirits to be free for the time being.

Breaking up was heart wrenching, and yet we both knew there was growth I needed to do on my own.

Again, I found myself alone, confused, and yet determined to heal and grow and get to the root of this. 

I started a new, gorgeous journal; the first journal I’d ever handmade for myself. 

I spent hours and hours with myself, with my feelings, with my silence. 

I found my dream partner, I wrote to myself, so why didn’t I want to be with him?

It was many journal entries later that the answers began emerging for me. From within, I pulled words out of my psyche that finally brought clarity. 

I am still discovering who I am, I wrote to myself. I need time alone to be a soulmate to myself. I need to discover my sacred calling. It is only by uncovering my purpose--a calling that feels sacred to me, where money and prestige are irrelevant, that I can feel truly authentic and aligned. Before focusing on anyone else, I need to make my work my priority and focus.

And so I had my mission laid out for me: Refocus inwards, give myself my full attention, and dive deep into my individual purpose on this planet.

And so I set my sails for Sedona, Arizona. As Abraham Hicks would say, it was time for me to get into my vortex.